Feelings (11-11-2018)

There’s so many of us. There’s so many of us. There’s so many of us… How are we suppose to come together in a world where favoritism, convenience, and technology reign supreme? Where credibility and being established is literally quantified by the number of social media followers you have rather than any kind of actual substance or authenticity? Where branding and packaging carries more value than what it really is or why it is? Who do you listen to? What do you believe? Tell me so I can figure out whether I disagree with you and how I feel. It’s the what do you think, how do I feel generation we are living in. And as always, at least for the most part in this country, standing there, waiting on the periphery: global business, and a whole bunch of bullshit. Until we come to grips with the actual truth, which no one ever actually likes, until we harness the reality that it is all a bunch of bullshit, from our toothpaste and deodorant, to the fake and over processed food we eat, to that God forsaken soulless empty music you love, to the unbelievably phony pop star and rapper who perform it, to all the wonderful caring selfless rhetoric crap spewed from every media outlet there is, to these much needed marketing campaigns masked as movements, to the pussy grabbing president. It is all a bunch of bullshit. It’s not about democrats or republicans. It’s not about blacks or whites. It’s not about male or female. The only real answer is revolution. An actual real revolution. An upheaval of the entire system, and all who are involved. Which will never happen, so bury your mind into your phone and your shitty music and your ridiculously overrated mediocre crap superhero sequel, and force yourself to pray for money, fame, ignorance, and someone who gives great head. That way you actually have a chance. Who knows though, maybe you’ll meet someone special that you actually want to live with for the rest of your life, in which case, pack your shit and move to fucking Sweden.

I’ve always had a way of putting things. I’ve always had a blunt and hopeful relationship with the truth. And honestly, I still do. I accept no one will agree with or understand my point of view. Please though, you’re welcome to check your phone for the facts, while I tell you what I know. A man much wiser than I am once said the answer to all your questions is money. For instance, how did we get to a place in humanity where the bar for bravery is a fucking instagram post? This is not where I intended to go with this piece but since they’re going out of their way to manipulate and corral the world in their favor, I will. Selena Gomez has 140 million followers on Instagram, and yet, she doesn’t have any talent. Taylor Swift has around 120. Granted there’s some overlap, but that means there’s at least around 200 million fatherless flavored dipshits desperate enough to shovel this crap down their throats. Don’t get me started with Bieber either. At least Taylor Swift knows how to read. And thank Lucifer for that, otherwise she wouldn’t be able to feed you a new album every couple of years. I remember one time a very long time ago I proposed the question to a Taylor Swift fan page, I asked why do you love her so much? The most consistent answers were: she’s so relatable, she had to fight to get to where she is, and she’s someone we can look up to who cares for us… Excuse me while I claw my eyes out and throw them at you. In the history of the universe, there has never been a period in time where an entire generation of humans has seemed so brain washed and pathetic. Seriously, these “people” don’t need to be called queen or king on social media anymore. Just for the sake of moving on, let me break it down for you. Taylor Swift is a product, and her brand is based on an image that’s totally dependent on thievery, control, and the status quo. She loves control… because she wouldn’t last without it. And in the end all you are to her is a consumer. If she really cared, she wouldn’t sell a poster for $50 to the most desperate fan base on earth. It’s all right there in front of you if you make the choice to think for yourself. “The old Taylor can’t come to the phone right now…” In reality, the only thing she transcends is hubris and narcissism. Integrity matters. Authenticity matters. Substance matters. Taking responsibility matters. Genuine leadership that doesn’t need to be propped up by the times and a brand matters. Your soul matters. Character matters. …If you really want to make the world a better place, get a bag, and let’s start with the Kardashians, Bieber, and the entire girl squad especially Lena Dunham’s nasty hypocrite fraud ass, put them in there, seal it, and light that shit on fire.

Don’t get me wrong, some of these people are genius enough. They’ve monetized love like has never been done before, and they’ve made fellatio a family business. They know what they’re doing and they know how to do it. So have I said something yet for you to disagree with? I’m not just calling out something I don’t like or disagree with. I believe in empowerment, I will fight for equal opportunity, and given the chance, I grant honor where it is deserved. But empowerment does not mean entitlement. Merit isn’t because you say so. Neither is “winning,” for that manner. I chose an easy and prevalent example like Taylor Swift, but the world today is wrought with the facade of being true and benevolent, when behind closed doors it’s anything but that. Behind closed doors it remains a cheap blood sucking crass business._____ If you want to get ahead in this world, be an absolutely shameless sociopath… that is the path to being “untouchable.” And how are we suppose to unify and seek harmony amongst each other when all it boils down to is money and propaganda, and self-interested agendas. The show must go on. And at what point do we ask why? Why do we give these people our money and a platform they do not deserve and are not worthy of? Why do we indulge in this mediocrity, in this hypocrisy when so much more is meant for each one of us? Everything… everything… everything today, including America’s favorite, most powerful and influential pop star, including the life you have, is about how can I make it for the cheapest and sell it for the most. If you really think it’s about the music, if you really think it’s about anything to do with art, if you really think it’s about what is right and just, then you’ve got your head planted firmly in the sand, or somewhere a little more sour.

T.W.I.U.B.T.W.A.V.O.G.P., twiubtwavogp, That stands for the world is upheld by the will and veracity of good people. I’m paraphrasing, but Charles Bukowski once said something like, I have compassion for all people, and at the same time, they repulse me. And flimsy, foolish, and forgotten be the coward that casts a stone and knows not where he throws it, or why. Yet, most people don’t even have any kind of clue how their phone works, or the faintest idea of what it is capable of. But there’s no problem climbing up on your pedestal and screaming, gun control, gun control, gun control! March! March! Get out of your chair, and march! For God’s sake, it’s common sense! Forget about improving the infrastructure, or the process how we receive the food we eat, or necessary environmental measures. Get the guns! Those things are baaaaad… Yabbering squawking youthful little creetants that want to restrict life even further when it’s already being restricted. Have you ever even fired a gun before? It’s a lot of fun. And 99.99% of the time it’s a lot safer than googling something. You can’t point a google at somebody and blow their brains out. But you actually can point a google at somebody and slowly change or warp their mind and point of view and suck them in and suck them dry for generations. Google pays BILLIONS UPON BILLIONS of dollars to know everything they can about you, and to lobby and flat out change those laws that are suppose to protect you in their favor. I once heard a “a lion devours, but a lamb deciphers.” Well, when you live in a world where everybody wants to be their own little lion or lioness, all you’re left with is a flock of incredibly derivative and miniature kings and queens all basking in the glory and the light that is themselves, all sucking in their “rightful” and “deserved” fill. Me. Me. Me. Me… and all the wonders that are you, your manicures, your greatness, and your selfies. The vision and intention that one day the lion will lay down beside the lamb is dead, and gone. So just “win.” That’s all that matters. So it is. So it’s always been. History belongs to the victors. Google it. All this technology, everyone emphasizing facts even though real facts are important, all the hashtag movements, terminology like going viral, YOLO or FOMO, all these acronyms, the entire sphere of social media, and pretty much anything to do with anything is designed to narrow your thinking, keep you on the surface, keep you in the box (preferably their box), make the choice for what is right easy, dull you enough so you’re either ignorant or satisfied, and comfort you until you’re lucky enough to be eulogized by your loved ones who get to tell everyone how well “liked” you were by all. I hope they speak of an instagram account that was full of life and adventure. What are good, wholesome, real, people suppose to do then? The truth is as long as Taylor Swift posts a picture of her cats every now and then, you’ll look and you’ll believe “there’s our Taylor… there’s the Taylor we all love…” That’s not actually reality though, my love. In reality, our phones, our tablets, our instafucks, swipes, likes, heart emojis, poop emojis, our Captain Americas, and even the water we drink, are the lethal weapons of mass destruction we have to look out for, that we have to march for. Money, control, and sex. Get as much of them as you can while on earth. That’s what every game ever played is. Money is the cloak. Control is the wand. Sex is the resurrection stone. And still die meaningless. Most of us aren’t Harry Potter. Also, I really don’t mean to be too political, but if I leave a window open either for the breeze, to hear the birds in the morning, or to fart and air myself out after a long hard exhausting day of work, and someone breaks in my house and poses an immediate threat to me or my family, I at least want the option to blow their fucking head off, immediately. BOOM! Anyways, I’m sick of all the bullshit. All the forced upon crap in general. I’m sick of it. I’m sick of it! Sick of it! Sick of it.

Please, think for yourself. Please question authority. Please, question all forms of authority.

Over the past seven years, I’ve been on my own for the most part. I spent some time in Northern California, and some time in LA, but my home and operating center is in San Diego. Over that time, I never locked the doors. I’d go back and forth from San Diego to Big Bear for weekend trips, and never even bothered locking the knob. I’d leave important stuff laying around and go to work or run a day’s worth of errands and not even think about it. I’d come home, the door would be closed, undisturbed, and unlocked. My apartment, in the neighborhood that it’s in, off the street like it is, is probably one of the safest locations in all of San Diego. But over the past year, I have spent over $5,000 in home security, personal safety and well-being. It might not be comparable or practical in regards to what I want, but everything serves a function, everything’s in place where and when I need it, I’ve gone beyond the usual to make sure it’s completely reliable for what I need, it all works, and it’s all exactly where and how I need it to be_ I’ve even got Buddha fountains and sacred stones around to keep the energy just right, I’ve learned all sorts of new methods and tools, I’ve found different groups of people I enjoy, my place is a fortress and a sanctuary, and I’ve got EvErYThInG to move forward.

The other day I was buying another measure, or at least upgrading one that I already had in place, and I was at this small shop kind of on the way to Alpine that specialized in these kinds of items. I walked in and told the older gentleman what I looking for. He was probably in his sixties, maybe seventies, but a big guy nonetheless. A guy I could tell knew what he talking about. And it turned out he did. He brought out three different products, laid them on the glass display case between us, and briefly explained each product. I couldn’t have asked him to be more accommodating with all my of questions, which gave me a lot of confidence in what I was buying. He let me know I could call him anytime with questions or anything, I double checked the price online, and made the purchase. Afterward we shook hands, and I walked out feeling great about the purchase I had just made. Immediately after that I drove downtown for class. It was early enough to stop by somewhere and grab a bite to eat real quick. I got my food, and sat by the window and started looking peacefully at life in motion before the two guys behind the counter started talking with another guy that was there. It was about four words in when I made my first assessment as they went on about some girl on instagram. Around a dozen sentences deep between the three of them, a girl walked in to pick up an order. She must’ve know them because she told one of the guys behind the counter to message her later. Anyway, the one guy who was not working changed his whole tone when she walked in. The conversation went from some girl on instagram to something he had posted on instagram and him bragging about what he did for work. After a minute of small talk, the girl left, and the conversation shifted about her. I finished and walked out lamenting for a time when boys turned to men through more avenues than just women, and when men were on top, or maybe had an upper hand, or at least when we stood a chance at all. Maybe I was being irrational though. Maybe I’m just too entrenched with the thought of us all drifting into some blind governed unfulfilled fragmented form of black matter wandering around desperate and confused searching for a glimpse of the way things used to be, or just anything more than whatever this is, when we forfeited it a long time ago. How are we going to raise our children these days? The best we can, I guess. Who’s going to be their friends? Hopefully they’re popular. Hopefully they’re a lot of fun to be around. Hopefully they can trust them… If I was being honest with myself, I could tell you the truth if I wanted to.
I feel whatever that is, that one thing we could hold onto whenever we needed to when we were little, that one light up in the sky no one else sees, that noise when we’re underwater that calls to us, that star in the night we can whisper to, that tree we can lean on while it covers us, that wonderful elephant in the zoo who sees you, that fire that burns in your veins in a world that’s so cold, that one special thing that is yours, beholden to you, you’re right to guard it with all you have. It’s what makes you, you. I’m tempted not to but I feel it necessary to tell more of where I’m coming from. Writing has always come natural for me. It’s always been a way I could translate my fire into something creative and productive. And a very long time ago I directed my writing and energy used for writing into the wrong outlets, social media specifically. I’ve spent enough time on social media, and I’ve been everything there is to be on it: The passive user only interested in who’s going crazy, keeping up with friends, and the trend on the latest pulse taking over the world, the active user commenting and LOLing on all that is intriguing enough, the artist posting their latest works dreaming of a world where creativity flows so naturally and easily like a waterfall jumping into a lake, the crazy psychotic ranting and raving everyday about bullshit, and all the while wasting my time. It was fun, extremely fun at times, but at the end of the day, not worth shit. I’m so worried and scared for these generations of humans who are being grown, raised, and held together by social media. It took me awhile to get here, but it’s actually not ok. We live in a country that grants liberty and free will at birth, and has a patent worthy distribution process on reconnaissance and brain washing. The internet provided every living person access to the entire world, past and present, for the most part, and we in return minimized it so we can look at ourselves more, get help with our homework, play fantasy football, and find a deal on Amazon. I mean W.T. fucking F., people? Hopefully some day enough will become enough for everyone. Hopefully it’s not too late by then. Haven’t you ever felt frustrated with social media, or overwhelmed? You ever just get sick of it? I’m telling you, trust me, it’s not good for you, it’s not good for us. You make up your own mind though. It’s up to us to be better than a species dictated by our phones and software. We should be so much more. Sincerely, good luck to all of us. Power to the people…

All in all people, no matter what you think of this, what you take from this, the one message you should walk away with is love. You have one life on this planet. You deserve to be loved. You deserve to be treated with love and respect. You deserve to belong to something that loves you. Of all the lives that have lived, and all the time that’s been, there’s only one you. There’s no one else like you. Please don’t ever forget this: You’re special. You’re so very special.

Conclusion
Hey, hey, hey, hey, heyyyyyy… A very long time ago I began watching the HBO series, Girls, for my own reasons. I had seen it before, but I was ready to dive in this time. What is this incredibly well done, boring, and depressing show I thought. I remember I think about half way between season two, one of the girls finally decided she actually didn’t like the boy she was with. I’m pretty sure she either slammed the door, or got up and left. Either way I had to rewind it a few times because something actually happened. The future is female! Dismantle the patriarchy! Rar! Eat a bag of dicks, and shut up, PLEASE. It’s not real. None of it, is real. I’m so ashamed of my experience. I used to think these girls were doing something amazing. I used to be obsessed with what they produced, what I thought they were doing. I used to think these girls were anything other than miserable, lonesome, broken, defective, derivate, phony fraudulent hypocrite frauds. In reality, things don’t change. Change is not welcomed. Faces might change. The winning side might change. But in the end, while homo sapiens run the earth, it will always be a power struggle. Starting at the top, and then deciding what trickles down. And as for the rest of us, we have thoughts and we have feelings, so enjoy them because some people don’t get to. And how you interpret those thoughts and feelings will determine your truth. Because again, in reality, there is no truth. Life is what you make it. Be careful searching for that truth, be careful where you’re seeking your purpose. You might find a bunch of bullshit. What do you get for pretending the danger’s not real? A bunch of bullshit. Stay off the road if you want to grow old. But if you do want to change the world, you don’t have to have obscene amounts of talent. You don’t need to be any bit of a genius, although both would help. All you need is an idea, and some heart. But again, be careful. If you have the slightest capability of actually doing so, you’re going to get a fight, one way or the other. And just remember as long as you do two things, you cannot be defeated. As long as you give a shit, and as long as you try. How simple is sounds, and how fucked up it actually is. Anyway, “some say the end is near. Some say we’ll see Armageddon soon. I certainly hope we will. I sure could use a vacation from this bullshit.” Even though I think the farming industry in America is a lost cause, I take some solace in the idea that millennials are concerned about where their food is sourced and things being “natural.” We’re gonna need it. And just to be clear, where I look for hope doesn’t start with The Bible, it doesn’t end with Jesus. It never has. But for whatever it’s worth now days, God is The One who actually created all of this. Maybe there was a deal, which led to Robert Johnson, which led to Taylor Swift, which led to children calling a pop star “queen,” but in the end, God created all of this, He* kept it because He saw that it was good, and He’s not signing an NDA, and retiring into a dark room. As far as the Lena Dunhams and Taylor Swifts of the world go, “you’re part of the problem,” and until you actually move the tees back, you’re arrogantly screwing with nature. Who knows though… maybe somebody, some day, will actually change the world again, and bring us all closer together, and also teach us how to treat each other a little better. Maybe you will. You are unique. You have the capacity to do so. I’d ask you how you intend on doing that, and why are you inclined to do so. Because I really don’t think you can. If you want help, give me a call, I’ll probably be praying for a fucking tidal wave. And you as well